Spiritual Love vs Worldy Love

I grew up on love poems and fairytales. Yes, that's right. I bought into the Disney dream of meeting ‘the one’. I read every book there is to read on romance, watched every rom-com you could ever think of. I truly believed in the promised fantasy of a happily ever after. That is, until now.

I’ve spent the past year giving everything I had to a relationship that shattered me; took every dream and aspiration I had towards love and shredded it to pieces.

I loved and I loved hard. It’s the greatest relational tragedy in my life. A true devastation. I craved a special connection with someone that I’m not sure I was ever meant to be with. And so desperate for equally returned love that I did and said things a younger me would be appalled at. Take, for example, one of the weakest moments… of my entire life. I’m there in the living room on my hands and knees (tears streaming down my cheeks of course) literally begging for the man in front of me to hear me, see me, understand me. And what does he do? He laughs. That’s right. Laughs right in front of me as he’s sitting on the love seat, looking down at me sobbing. Just plain cruel.

Wasn’t my proudest moment, but it was certainly a defining moment. You see, for well over 365 days now I let someone else make me feel small. I lost touch with old friends, quit making new ones, jeopardized my job, became severely overweight, lost hair and gained tons and tons of wrinkles.

They say that love hurts, but you never really know what that means until you’ve experienced it. I was just your average dreamer; innocent, full of youth and beauty. But the kindness and innocence that once graced my being has long since been replaced with bitterness, wickedness, and hurt. I’m not the same woman I used to be, and I’m not better either. I’ve become worse; more senile, negative and spiteful. My heart feels dull. Eyes cold. Feelings locked away deep into the depths of my mind. Sometimes I sit and cry for hours. I’ll stare at myself in the mirror, see an old picture maybe, or just sit in front of the wall and think about nothing and everything at once. It’s pitiful and it’s true.

It’s sad. Really it is! A pure-hearted woman with hopes of being loved beyond her imagination, utterly crushed by the one who was supposed to give her that. Part of me still wants to believe true love exists like it does in the movies, but a larger part of me has moved on. I’ve accepted life for what it is, and finally got my priorities straight!

You know what I’ve learned through all of this pain and suffering? For all the nights of anguished tears, constricted heartaches, and unbearable headaches, I’ve come to realize that God is the only supreme being you’ll ever need. He gives you the strength to carry on, even when you feel like dying. He provides courage through the toughest conversations, and helps you to stand firm in moments of adversity. He guides you along the path of redemption and into a greater future — one full of healing and peace. He is hope. God’s unfailing love doesn’t smear you, betray you, use you or ever leave you. His love and His alone protects, cherishes and fulfills more than life itself. It’s a magical feeling that movies like Cinderella or The Notebook could never dream of.

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